Slap Me

The sharp slap of forceful skin on skin contact shot into the room. Quicker than thunder follows lightning came the screech of a preschooler in pain. Dropping her laundry the mother ran to the dining table where, just minutes before, she had left her two young daughters eating their lunch peacefully. With a quickness only experience brings, she took in the scene. Screaming and red-cheeked 4 year old crying while 3 year old sister sat looking very sheepish and sorry.

"What happened," the mother asked rather exasperated.

Blubbering the older girl pointed at her sister, "She hit me!"

Desperate to defend herself the toddler responded, "She said, 'Slap me!'"

The older daughter screamed her words, heavy with anger and accusation, "I didn't mean across the face!"


****

That little indigent 4 yr old with the stinging cheek was me. I had been choking on a bite of food. Since my mom often patted me on the back when that happened I had asked my sister to "slap me," wanting that pat on the back. My little sister honored my request with gusto, as she understood it. Because my request was unclear, I did not get what I really wanted or expected. Rather I learned a painful lesson.

I do believe my requests to life have been likewise unclear as of late, and it is answering with the same gusto my sister gave, leaving the results feeling uncomfortably familiar.

Remembering 9/11

Yesterday I was in a business transaction and the guy wrote the date down incorrectly as the 10th. I simply said, "It's the 11th." He commented he'd been getting it wrong all day. I was a little surprised. It has been 7 years, but I still thought it should ring a bell. Even the small pub out in the countryside I visited in Ireland had a plaque about it.

It did get me thinking though. The popular phrase is "Never forget." Yes, I do think we should remember and honor those who served and gave or lost their lives that day, but it does, or should, raise the question of what is the best way to honor those people.

Is this "war" really the best way? I am in no way opposed to protecting our borders or to the wonderful selfless people who serve in our military. But is there still such a threat that we need to have babies born with daddies thousands of miles away? Children growing up with one of their parents away for months at a time? Do these men and women need to be going on drills and watching movies instead of going to their kids activities and watching them grow?

Was it needed for us to go in the first place? I have no idea. I do know after 7 years the message should be delivered we went to give. After I have punished and lectured my kid, I don't keep on it for weeks on end. It gets old for both of us and stops serving any useful purpose. It looses meaning.

If I had died in that tower, or lost a loved one I would not want my memorial to be more families suffering division and loss. I would want it to be families being strengthened. Daddies playing ball in the yard cherishing the time they have with their kids, estranged friends or loved ones calling each other just to check in, not just for a few days or weeks, but as a change in lifestyle.

Couldn't we have a pro-connection campaign instead of a terrorism campaign? Instead of "homeland security" tightening, what if we, as a country, tried a "home security" policy where we tried to make our own children feel loved and secure in their own family? What if instead of pouring more money into tools of war and training more soldiers we spent just 1% of that on community parenting classes or free family day at area zoos and museums across the nation? There are many great organization working to help single parents, broken homes, low-income, high-risk, African-American males, single mothers, inner-city kids, teen abstinence and self-esteem most of which are way underfunded, under publicized and overworked. Could we start by giving them a hand?

This has gotten a little more "soap boxish" than I had intended to. I simply would like to put forth some questions and ideas. Maybe adding my one little voice to those out there will help create more positive ideas that will result in more peaceful constructive solutions. We all want what is best for our families, our country and our world. Maybe it's time to re-evaluate what that "best" looks like.

Devotion

Recently a word caught my attention, one I had never really considered previously.

Devotion.

Many of us have preconceived ideas around words. Different emotions arise, images, experiences. For the purpose of clearer communication, let us start off with a common understanding.

de·vo·tion

1.profound dedication; consecration.
2. earnest attachment to a cause, person, etc.
3. an assignment or appropriation to any purpose, cause, etc.: the devotion of one's wealth and time to scientific advancement.

Devotion speaks of commitment, but more than a mere loyalty. It is a tie, a binding. It implies deep feelings. When those feelings are affection, admiration, and a sincere desire to see the other person succeed in a relationship you have the base ingredients for a more than stellar relationship.

Now I'm not talking about that song from Grease where she's "Hopelessly Devoted," or some misplaced attachment stalker thing. Let's be clear. For those 'out of this world', 50+ years and still look like newly wed kind of relationships both people have to be devoted. You see commitment stays because it has to. Devotion stays because it can't imagine any other way of life! Joy and happiness are here now. Devotion wants to be here. Loyalty and honor are great, but devotion implies hope. It knows there is more. More what? Joy? Happiness? Love? All of the above!

When one person is devoted, you have hope. When both are devoted, you have heaven on Earth. Why? Because devotion is willing to work, to progress, even change. Devotion is often used in religious or spiritual context. Religion is suppose to be about spiritual change, becoming, drawing nearer to- whether that be nearer God, or Source, or just 'the other side' it is about moving. That is what marriage was designed to be. The progress of two people working together, encouraging each other to become better people drawing nearer to each other and nearer to a higher purpose.

It has recently become clearer to me that this is what our society has been lacking. Devotion to one another. Our divorce rate is epidemic. Children are left questioning and insecure. Hearts are broken, hope wanes and good people walk away feeling like failures because they didn't even know what was missing. They had love, but somewhere it just kind of died out. There was no true devotion

Devotion stands firm in the ebb and flow of infatuation, hard times, passion, fun, luck, play, work, and just plain life. It does not give up, on the other person, the possibilities, or hope. When one is devoted they are willing to seek change, not in compromising who they are or their values, but in enriching the relationship. If that means seeking help or education, encouraging a new hobby in their spouse, finding things to do together, becoming creative. Whatever it is, devotion tries it.

If who you believed to be God appeared to you in a way you found absolutely undeniable, told you everything you ever wanted was possible and asked you to preform a task for Him(her/it/whatever,) wouldn't you do whatever was needed to complete that task? What if it involved knowledge you did not have? Skills you didn't know? What if you plain didn't know how to begin? Would you ask someone who may have the knowledge you need? Perhaps someone whose done it? Let's pretend no one has ever done whatever this thing is before, like Noah building the huge old ark and sticking hundreds of animals on it. Could you begin? Could you take a first step? Could you do one small thing today to at least begin to walk that path?

What can you do today to make your relationship a little bit better than yesterday?

Devotion. Think about it.

Adorable!

My dimpled darling of 4 was standing by sniffling. "Honey, I think you have a drippy nose today," I commented.

"Yes, and I also have the 'bless yous'," referring to her sneezing.

Fun

Do you know what sounds fun today? A sleep over!

I'm serious, like when I was kid. To have a bunch of friends over and listen to music, play games and just chat. There would be a buffet of finger foods, like pizza pockets, fruit, veggies and dip, cheese, meat, crackers and more. Eventually it would be movie time. We'd clear the floor and roll out sleeping bags, blankets, pillows, stuffed animals, all things soft and fluffy for snuggling up and getting cozy. All the lights go off and the movie starts. Someone may or might not fall asleep as it plays. There might be a second movie, or we might just stay up whispering about stuff- serious stuff, the meaning of life, goals dreams or maybe silly stuff with lots of giggling. :-)

Sounds like a good time to me!

Track and Facebook

Today at the track I did something amazing, well amazing for me. I ran over half a lap. For me that was a huge step, but that's not the best part. You see, immediately my brain went "oh man. I still can't do even one lap. My throat is on fire and I feel like I'm gonna collapse and I didn't even make it a quarter mile!" But I noticed! I stopped and went, "Hey! That is the farthest I have run in one stretch yet! Considering I have done regular work outs in 3 weeks that is even more amazing! It's progress! What's even more, I am gonna' keep going. That's right we gonna keep walking round this here track and we're even gonna' run some more." And I did! Yeah me!

On another note, a friend of mine had asked if I was on facebook. I'm not. Out of curiosity I thought I would go see my friend's page and see if I am interested at all. Turns out you can't view someone's page if you aren't a member, but you can search and see how many people have that name. One friend had over 40 and another had 30. I thought they were fairly unique names. Apparently not. So I searched for my name. "No matches found." YES!

I am UNIQUE! I am DIVINE!!!!

Yeah me!!!

update

Hello. I've gotten phone calls and e-mails asking why I'm not blogging. Actually, I write in my head a lot. Just by the time I can sit down I've forgotten it all. So this is just a general update.

For the Fourth of July we rode a boat out onto Lake Washington, going out very near Gas Works, to watch the most amazing fireworks display I have ever seen! Hearts, stars, smiley faces, flowers, "USA," brilliant colors and patterns. It was AMAZING! and lasted like 45 minutes. Absolutely the coolest, especially if you happen to be like me and LOVE fireworks already. It was the best.

Summer chugged along. My oldest, who now prefers to be "X-Man"- (no relation to the mutant comics/movies,) went to a Scout day camp. He loved it got a lot of work done towards his Webelos requirements. By a stroke of luck he was able to go to a second camp with his brother a couple weeks later, thus earning even more. T is working on his Wolf rank. Jim went along that time and helped with X-Man's group.

The week of the that second camp was a busy one around here. My Mom was kind enough to come up from Idaho to stay with the kids, cleaning and cooking and what not. She had all 4 while Jim worked then the girls in the late afternoon/evening while the boys all went to camp.

Where was I? In Canada doing another self-development/introspective camp. I learned much. We hiked, did arts & crafts, sang, connected with nature....the usual campy stuff. It was good. I've been home 2 weeks as of today, yet I am not sure I have totally reintegrated yet.There is so much to learn and to, more importantly, figure out how that changes who I am being in day to day being.

Little Sunshine turns 4 tomorrow. I can't believe "my baby" is so big. In truth I don't see her as 'a baby,' but rather as just my youngest. Still, it's so odd moving into a new stage of life. We are done with diapers and potty training, sippy cups and toddler size utensils. No more tricycle, she's onto a bike with training wheels. Her sister, the Princess, starts Kindergarten this year and is learning to ride without training wheels altogether. The boys are getting bigger too. Time is just racing by, yet I still have to remind myself to take time to hold them and cherish moments now. Shouldn't that be a natural automatic thing? To want to hold onto these moments? Yet, I get so caught up in changing sheets, scrubbing tubs, loading the dishwasher, and so forth that I am often glad to send them out to play rather than have them underfoot!

*sigh*

Such is life right now. The trick it to remember to embrace it as you go....and try not to embarrass your son too much by dancing in front of his friends.

Part Squirrel

This morning over breakfast my oldest, J-Man at 10, proposed a new theory: All girls are part squirrel.

I could live with that.

Coach

The combination of nice weather and kids home have served to moved my exercise routine down to the local middle school track. My partner and I don't always match pace and since I don't like walking alone much I often call one of the kids to do a lap with me. T, at 7, has proven to be an insightful coach.

He jogs along side me trying to get me to speed up. "Come on, Mom. You got to go faster if you want to get to your top level. Too many people think they are happy being at a low level but for you it's top 'cause you want to be your best, not all lazy and stuff."

We mark our laps in the dirt each time we pass the stairs leading to the basketball court. I told him my goal was to get to 8 laps. He said 10. Yesterday I did 6. Today 7. He shook his head in disappointment. He looked at me. "That's okay. You did your best. You can do 8 tomorrow, then 10 next time. Then you can start going faster."

Sure thing, Coach.

Music?

All the children are noisier than usual. "The natives are restless" as they say. This morning they have started earlier than usual. At 8 am my little 3 yr old princess was tooting away on her pretend trumpet, an empty paper towel roll.

I asked her to 'please, keep it down.'

Ever so innocently she responded, "I need to get the horny out."