Growing, Not Dying

Welcome to my insights, ponderings, and experiences. Hopefully they will enrich you in some small way, or at least make you laugh.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Seminar of the Century - John Gray

Last weekend, July 6-8 Jim, my husband, and I were blessed to attend Peak Potentials' Seminar of the Century, Woodstock for the Mind. There were some amazing presenters, teachers and trainers there. I learned so much amazing information I would like to pass on some of the highlights in this blog. They will be presented in no particular order.

John Gray was quite amazing. He was different than when I had seen him on stage previously. He has now been married 23 years. He has been studying the effects of nutrition on brain chemistry and how it plays out in relationships. It explains a lot.

Some of the highlights:

Women see everything and think big picture. Men are goal orientated. They want to achieve. Men generally are happy if they can eat, sleep and have sex.

There is a chemical in the brain called serotonin. It allows us to cope with stress. When a woman's blood sugar drops she can't produce serotonin. This is why if she says she is hungry it is important to feed her quickly, but not sugar. Sugar burns hot and fast, like kindling.

When a women is faced with stress there is 8 times the normal blood flow to the emotional part of her brain and if her blood sugar is low she will respond 2 times faster and 10 times as intensely!

Women like to talk because talking allows her brain to make serotonin. If you interrupt her or try "reasoning" with her it's like putting gas on a fire because you stop the production. The best thing you can do is make little noises to show you are listening or say "Tell me more." For a guy this may seem like torture, but her brain will give you points for it.

Give a guy credit for listening. Women have 10 times the neural pathways in their brains than men so they are everywhere at once. They can access memory, emotion, reasoning, and more all at once. Men have 7 times the "gray matter," or thinking matter. So while a woman is talking about her feelings and recalling something he is listening logically, then has to run over to memory to recall what she is bring up then over to emotion to check in there then back to reasoning to process it. While she talking away he's jogging all over his mind and then typically the woman can't understand why he's having trouble keeping up in the conversation! It is exhausting to him. That's why a man's best bet is to just listen and let her make the serotonin she needs to calm down.

It is important to help her maintain her blood sugar otherwise when she does get stressed she gets that temporary amnesia where she forgets every good thing the guy has ever done. Sugar, especially fructose found in so many processed foods, burns off hot and fast. Dextrose will satisfy for hours. When your body is in "fat burning mode," not on a "diet," it can produce the right chemicals. Sitting has your body in sugar burning. Rythmic movement like repetetive excersize or dance places the body in fat burning. Men generally do not run out of serotonin. They run out of dopamine first. Dopamine is created when he is happy and excited.

Men learn best from positive feedback. Point out what he does right and let him make you happy. Men remember and repeat successes. Point out what he does right. You can yell at a puppy when he pees on the floor but it won't potty train him. Give it a treat every time he goes outside and it learn what you want. Feeling successful allows him to produce more dopamine and testosterone which gives him more energy, more focus and makes him more interested in you as well as life.

Men and women "keep score" differently. Men think one rose is one point and 3 dozen would be 36 points. Not so. Although different women tally slightly differently, usually one act equals one point. Bigger does not automatically mean more points. Little things make a big difference. Each act that shows thought on your part is a point. If you are meeting one of her needs there may be bonus points and if it is something you can do for her right away or without being prompted there are bonus points. Men, assume you are always behind. Women, give him all the points you can. Men want to reach the goal; let him make you happy. Men are attracted and attached to women they know how to please.

Women have a never ending 'to do' list. It's born in them. Men can compartmentalize and leave there to do list behind while they relax in their "cave time." Women do not instinctively do this so they are looking for help. Women understand men need some time and space. If you bug them and push them it only increases the amount of cave time they need. If you allow it and understand it is not about you personally, they will miss your company and come looking for you.

This is just a few of the highlights from my learning. To find out more visit his website at

Other posts in this series:
Alan Cohen
Michael Gerber
Jack Canfield
Brian Tracy
Barbara De Angelis
Art Linkletter
Les Brown
Mark Victor Hansen


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