Growing, Not Dying

Welcome to my insights, ponderings, and experiences. Hopefully they will enrich you in some small way, or at least make you laugh.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Who I Am

In high school one of my favorite quotes came from the book "Alice in Wonderland" by Lewis Carroll.

"Tell me who I am first. And if I like being that person then I'll come up, if not I shall stay down here until I am someone else."

That quote always spoke to me. I was looking for someone outside myself to tell me who I was, define me, give me the role I was suppose to play. One of the greatest struggles of my life began about 8 years ago as a very loving and wise husband began encouraging me to "be myself." I spent the first few years trying to figure out what that even meant! About 5 years ago I slowly moved to exploring that I was an individual and what that might mean. It took another 2 years before I was ready to accept that it was possible I was a whole complete individual that could and does exist unto myself. If I stopped being a wife, I would still be. If I were not a mother, a lover, an aunt, a daughter, I would still "be."

A mere 2 years ago it slowly shifted into, "Well, if I would still be if I were not those roles, who would I be?" I was overwhelmed with messages of creating oneself, divine purpose, eternal spirits, destiny, and co-creating my life.

After all this, I still do not know exactly who I am. What I do know, though, is that I AM and no one but me gets to decide what that looks like. I may not have all the answers, but you know what? It's ok.

It's ok not to know.

Not knowing is part of who I am.

2 Comments:

Blogger Marcos said...

*smiles* I'm glad to hear you're continuing to work this out. It was those little pieces of "YOU" that kept peeking out from under all that heaviness so long ago that drew me to you.

To quote Rob Schnider from a favorite movie, "You can DO IT!"

Fri May 11, 09:02:00 AM MDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Goosebumps!

Mon May 14, 05:57:00 PM MDT  

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