Growing, Not Dying

Welcome to my insights, ponderings, and experiences. Hopefully they will enrich you in some small way, or at least make you laugh.

Monday, May 07, 2007

What If There's a Reason?

It seems everyone wants a better life, for themselves or for ones we love. To get a better life we need answers, better answers. This much we know. But so many don't seem to know what questions to ask to get the answers they want.

We are, by nature, a curious people. Young children start out wanting to know "why" about just about everything. As we grow we are conditioned that there are questions that are ok to ask and ones that are not. In order to avoid mistakes, many of us stop asking altogether. Perhaps if we want to find the answers, we need to ask more questions. Likewise if we want better answers, we need better questions.

People need other people to survive, from day one we need to be touched, talked to and connected with. If these relationships are so important perhaps it might be helpful to find ways to nurture and encourage relationships with more people. However in so many ways we are encouraging becoming separate. One of these separations happens through judgements. We judge people based on their status, appearance, monetary wealth, gender, age, occupation, actions, opinions, and so many more ways.

I truly did not realize how often I judge other people until I started asking questions. Unconsciously I was ALWAYS asking "Is he better than me? Is she better than me?" Thus I have always been in competition with everyone I meet! Competition does not foster trust and vulnerability which line the path to connection.

What if there was a better question I could ponder? I have found a starting point. May I share it with you? I believe the path to understanding begins by looking at each person you meet through the lens of a better question. "What if there is a reason they are the way they are?"

I do not need to know the reason or decide if it's "OK" that they turned out they way they did. Just pondering that perhaps there is a reason and acknowledging that I may not know or comprehend it puts me in an attitude of acceptance and curiosity rather than judgement and hostility.

Is there someone around you that perhaps you might ponder this question about?

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