Growing, Not Dying

Welcome to my insights, ponderings, and experiences. Hopefully they will enrich you in some small way, or at least make you laugh.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Graditude for Good Young Men

Previously, I had begun a rather lengthy post, (way longer than this one,) describing the details of how two different young men had come to be in my life during my teen age years. How doesn't really matter. Nor does why. What matters is the amazing young men they were and the mark they have left in my life.

Like many young women today I was struggling with issues about who I wanted to be, separating from my parents, my values, my body image, and the all important "being liked by a boy." I still do not know why boys are so all consuming during that time. It just is for most girls. Fortunately for me I had some amazing guys walk into my life.

Scott was a very good friend, the best kind of friend. He accepted me completely, fears, faults and all, even though we had very different opinions on many things...especially religion. I recall one night he actually sat crying, concerned for the eternal welfare of my soul. He wasn't a zealot or anything crazy, he was just worried I was being brainwashed into hell. Even still, on the rare occasion I displayed some actions he knew might be questionable to my values, he gently reminded me, "You're too good for that." He held me to the standard he knew I wanted to live rather than what he thought was acceptable. We remained friends after high school, even after my wedding. One of the most amazing things about it is Scott's back round. Most would have considered him an "at-risk youth" and me a star student from "a very good home." Yet it was most definitely he who saved me, not the other way round. He's still "my Scott."

The other young man was Mark. His mother greatly disapproved of our relationship. We dated. I never knew why Mark was attracted to me or why I garnered his affections. I certainly wasn't worthy of it. He was all the things a mother hopes her son is when no one is looking: kind, polite to everyone, disciplined, and very honorable. He did more to repair my broken self-esteem than he'll ever know. He always treated me like a princess, from the very beginning, and he always conducted himself as a gentleman. I certainly did not feel worthy of it at all, but I became very devoted to him because of it.

Before these two young men came along several major challenges in my life had reduced me to a very shattered young woman pretending each day that she "had it together." They began the healing and laid a very strong foundation on which I could build a better me. In my heart I thank God often for bringing them along. There is no way their parents could have known what these 2 teen age boys were like when no one was watching...but I know, and it gives me tremendous hope in the world.

It has been years since I last heard from Scott. Either he doesn't know how to find me, or my fears are true and he is gone. If so, the world lost an amazing gift. Last I heard Mark married and they were expecting. That was several years ago. I am afraid I did not behave well when last we encountered each other. Still, I hope only the best for him as he deserves all the best of life.

Above all I offer my profound gratitude for who these young men were being, their integrity, their self-discipline and their respect. I pray my sons are like them and my daughters date similar young men . There is hope.


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