Growing, Not Dying

Welcome to my insights, ponderings, and experiences. Hopefully they will enrich you in some small way, or at least make you laugh.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Reacting to Oprah's "Night"

This evening I decided to iron clothes and catch up on some Oprah recorded on my DVR. The first episode I came across and watched was the one where they announced the 50 essay contest winners who had written concerning the book "Night "and author Elie Wiesel was in studio. Professor Wiesel is a survivor of the Holocaust. He was 15 when he entered Auschwitz with his family. "Night" is his memoir. It was a good show. Although it was emotionally intense, I was grateful to have watched and felt prety hopeful after. The next I came across was the episode where Oprah and Professor Wiesel visited Auschwitz. This did not leave me so upbeat, yet I am still grateful.

Jim asked me why it was important to remember.

"Night" was a high school assignment. "To Kill A Mocking Bird" had been huge in my life. It was the first time I became really aware of what discrimination was, that it even existed. The next book would go so much further. "Night" erased childish innocence about humanity. My eyes were opened to what people were capable of doing to one another, what disbelief could do to families and communities, and what apathy could do to millions of lives.

Inside I feel heavy. There are not words to describe what my soul longs to say. The world promised "never to forget." The mind only hears positive statements which I guess would explain why as a world we seem to only have heard "forget." Thus we allow similar acts to continue in places around the world, because it does not affect us personally. In my studies of personal growth I have learned in order to manifest something, put your attention on it. Do not place your attention on things you do not want. That leaves me with questions. How do you resolve things like this?

Jim asked me why it was important to remember. My answer to him was as follows. Many of those killed had been warned before the Nazis reached them. They heard and did nothing because they simply could not believe it could be true. One of the teen girls on Oprah's show who survied the genocide in Rwanda said they were warned, but did not believe. It is important to remember because we must accept all truth, including the truth of evil that can be wrought. One cannot fight an enemy one does not know. Additionally, if it happens on the macroscale then the possibility must exsist within each individual. "Man, know thyself." To ignore such atrocities in the world is to ignore a part within ourselves.

Initially, I felt I could never be part to anything like that. But lets be really honest. How often do I just sit by and do nothing about wrongs happening all around me because "it isn't any of my business?" The lady yelling at her child, the man being rude in line, a frustrated customer verbally abusing a manager? Or worse, admitting I could be the one hurting others if I felt justified. The other day I witnessed some cheeky kid calling my son names. Anger flared up inside of me, a desire to rush to my son's defense. How much more would this be if my son had been physically assulted? My daughter raped? What if I had been convinced a forgien army had invaded my country, my people, and were out to take my home, hurt my family, and destroy "the American way of life?" Somewhere in there I must admit the possibility of killing another human being becomes a reality. If that reality is there, then it follows it is possible, if left unchecked, it could be enflamed, warped and twisted for far greater evil.

Oprah's show ends with some profound words:
"To Those Who Lost Their Lives
We Remember
To Those Who Survived
We Hear You
To The Next Generation
We Must Never Forget"

Why do I remember? I remember to honor those involved. I remember because it is truth. I remember because it is a mirror for what is in me.

It is also a glimpse at what is inside you.

Why do you remember?

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Polyphasic Sleep Update

Those of you following along know I began a modified polyphasic sleep schedule with my son to help treat both of our unique mental dispositions. Things were going along just okay. I never got really disciplined into a set schedule at night. Day time naps, yes, but my bedtime varied so much I had no real schedule. During the last week getting ready for carnival and starting baseball in the evenings really threw us off. We ended up "falling off the wagon."

Believe it or not, I didn't even realize it until yesterday.

I have been increasingly aggitated, sleepy, and short tempered. In fact, I have been down right mean. I just challked it up to stress and a really bad case of PMS. Totally by coincidence, of course, Jonathan began having behavioral issues again. Stealing, lying, teasing the other kids. All I could think was, "WHAT is his problem?!?!"

Discussing it with Jim yesterday we realized we haven't been following our sleep schedule.
Without the nightly dose of "calming chemicals" released during up-time to help during the day, asking him to behave and stay on task is kind of like asking a medicated ADHD kid to concentrate without his daily meds. Looking back, I realize it was much like when I would miss my anti-depression meds, without the physical headaches.

One of the power principals I have learned in my growth is "correct and continue." So, last night we "corrected" by going to bed on time and had our up-time. We will continue, this time with a schedule. I think I unconsciously balked the whole schedule thing before. A friend of mine use to be VERY into his bedtime, 10 pm. Things had to be scheduled around it. Although I repected him, I hated it. I felt it was very restrictive and cut into our "play time." Perhaps that programming surfaced and created the circumstances that kept me up so late every night. I can tell even as I write this "my ego self" is so not going to have a "bedtime." Come on. What am I? A kid? Besides, I have stuff that keeps me up later all the time!

This will be a good excersize in learning self-discipline, won't it?

Update: After rereading Steve Pavlina's post about becoming an early riser, I realized that I was having my greatest success when I followed more of these principals. I went to bed when I was tired, regardless of time. I had a set time I woke up for up-time, a set amount I was up for, then went back to bed. Problems started occuring when I started varying what time I woke up based on what time I went to bed, and how long I stayed up varied by how tired I was during that time. So, I will plan for a 10 o' clock bedtime, but will adjust as my body dictates. I will wake at 1:30, be up for 30 minutes, JJ for 15-20 minutes, then back to bed.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Free Hug?

Sunday morning my husband, Jim, myself and my friend Michelle donned our homemade "Free Hugs" shirts and went to the Boise Towne Square Mall to spread joy and smiles. Admittedly, I was nervous. I mean come on, you look like an idiot and you ARE going to get rejected. Deep Cleansing breaths. "It's not about me. It's about giving." And in we go.

When we walked in a guy sitting at a kiosk doing some paperwork caught my eye. He seemed nonthreating so I walked over and asked if he would like a free hug. He said, "Sure! You just made my day!" He had no idea but he just made mine! Glowing I led the pack from one unsuspecting person to the next. I noticed security notice us, but pressed forward anyway.

After wandering for a while we decided to settle in the middle of the mall. We got a lot of "no," but we also got some yes. An old lady, punk teen-agers, a yuppie couple, more mall workers, 20 somethings, and one little boy who came up and pulled on Jim's t-shirt. "Excuse me. Excuse me!" That was great.

Unfortunately, we only got about 20 minutes in before the security guy came around to let us know although he thought it was totally uncool and he disagreed, he had to ask us to leave.

Overall, it was fun and left us all feeling pretty good. Next time we think we'll hit the movie theater.


Friday, May 19, 2006

Celebrating "Be A Millionaire Day"

Although I agree with every word of it, in the spirit of honesty, I did not write
the following.

I just found out that T. Harv Eker is giving away $1
in scholarships to his highly popular 3-Day Millionaire
Mindâ„¢ Intensive
seminar. It is an amazing program full of life-altering
ideas that positively changed my life. I know you'll get a lot out of this amazing
course. By the end--you will have a completely different point of view towards money
and success; a millionaire's view.

All you have to do to get your scholarship is go to:
here and sign up.

But, only the first 386 people who register ON MAY 20th
will be eligible. If you miss this opportunity, the tuition is $1295 (and worth
every penny of it)
. So hurry!

On May 20th, when you get to the site, all you have to do is put in
your name and email address. You will then be notified if you are one of the lucky
winners for this remarkable course. Let me know if you were able to get in so we
can celebrate together!

Happy Be A Millionaire Day! And,
psst...pass this message on to 5 more people that you care about who could do a
lot of with financial success in their lives!

P.S. If you want to receive a reminder email on May 20th, get to the
site, put in your name and email address and an email will be sent to you on May

Monday, May 15, 2006

The Big Event

This is it. We are down to the wire. Months of planning, weeks of preperations, hours of paperwork, contacting sponsors, sorting, organizing, layouts....culminate in an amazing 3 hour event this Friday. Let's hope the critics love it.

What is it you ask? A black tie charity event? A political rally banquet? An art or fashion unveiling? Nope, no, and not.

Worse. It entails so much more. Every detail must be perfect. Every activity must run smoothly or there will be yelling and quite possibly maheim.

It's an elementary school carnival!

The kids must love the games and prizes. The parents must love the prices, food, entertainment, and the kids when thay are done. It is a tall order.

Wish us luck!!