Annoyance to Graditude
Checking my e-mail for the first time in days I found a letter from a very dear friend. We haven't visited in almost 3 years so it was an unexpected suprise. Originally, I had logged on and found "bad news" so finding this "good news" was quite welcome. I felt happy, but cautious. I responded then went about my day. Somehow, things just seemed a bit better. Huh.
This evening I found myself checking my mail again before dinner, rather unusual for me. There was another e-mail from my old friend. I was happy. Again I responded then went about my evening. Fed the kids. Double checked homework. Then while getting them ready for bed I took a minute to obsevre myself. I was very happy. Playing, laughing, tickling, giggling.
I was instantly annoyed. Not that these are bad things in anyway, but I knew why I was in such a good mood. It was from the e-mails. I was not annoyed at getting them but at my reaction to it. In my quest for greater peace I have been striving to not let my circumstances dictate my mood, bad or good, and here I was washed with joy. It was annoying. . . for about 10 minutes.
Then I began one of those conversations I frequently have with myself in my head. What a mark of my personal growth that I could even observe the effect, let alone figure out the cause! What a wonderful opportunity to learn another lesson, through pleasure rather than pain. Frequently, I am a brick wall to mountains falling down kind of student so learning through something "easy" is a nice change. What a blessing to be able to observe myself, learn a new lesson and re-establish contact with a dear companion all at the same time.
As I was writing this Jim called from California. He is at a training. Now, I know he is where he needs to be at this time. I am at peace that I am where I need to be, yet, my heart ached. I ached to be with Jim. I longed to be bathed in the positive energy he is surrounded with right now. I wanted to be growing too. A deep breath and it eased a little. 3 or 4 more and it was just a dull soft hurt. Now, it is just an echo.
Celebrate every success. Yeah for me. I am growing.
This evening I found myself checking my mail again before dinner, rather unusual for me. There was another e-mail from my old friend. I was happy. Again I responded then went about my evening. Fed the kids. Double checked homework. Then while getting them ready for bed I took a minute to obsevre myself. I was very happy. Playing, laughing, tickling, giggling.
I was instantly annoyed. Not that these are bad things in anyway, but I knew why I was in such a good mood. It was from the e-mails. I was not annoyed at getting them but at my reaction to it. In my quest for greater peace I have been striving to not let my circumstances dictate my mood, bad or good, and here I was washed with joy. It was annoying. . . for about 10 minutes.
Then I began one of those conversations I frequently have with myself in my head. What a mark of my personal growth that I could even observe the effect, let alone figure out the cause! What a wonderful opportunity to learn another lesson, through pleasure rather than pain. Frequently, I am a brick wall to mountains falling down kind of student so learning through something "easy" is a nice change. What a blessing to be able to observe myself, learn a new lesson and re-establish contact with a dear companion all at the same time.
As I was writing this Jim called from California. He is at a training. Now, I know he is where he needs to be at this time. I am at peace that I am where I need to be, yet, my heart ached. I ached to be with Jim. I longed to be bathed in the positive energy he is surrounded with right now. I wanted to be growing too. A deep breath and it eased a little. 3 or 4 more and it was just a dull soft hurt. Now, it is just an echo.
Celebrate every success. Yeah for me. I am growing.
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