Growing, Not Dying

Welcome to my insights, ponderings, and experiences. Hopefully they will enrich you in some small way, or at least make you laugh.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Annoyance to Graditude

Checking my e-mail for the first time in days I found a letter from a very dear friend. We haven't visited in almost 3 years so it was an unexpected suprise. Originally, I had logged on and found "bad news" so finding this "good news" was quite welcome. I felt happy, but cautious. I responded then went about my day. Somehow, things just seemed a bit better. Huh.

This evening I found myself checking my mail again before dinner, rather unusual for me. There was another e-mail from my old friend. I was happy. Again I responded then went about my evening. Fed the kids. Double checked homework. Then while getting them ready for bed I took a minute to obsevre myself. I was very happy. Playing, laughing, tickling, giggling.

I was instantly annoyed. Not that these are bad things in anyway, but I knew why I was in such a good mood. It was from the e-mails. I was not annoyed at getting them but at my reaction to it. In my quest for greater peace I have been striving to not let my circumstances dictate my mood, bad or good, and here I was washed with joy. It was annoying. . . for about 10 minutes.

Then I began one of those conversations I frequently have with myself in my head. What a mark of my personal growth that I could even observe the effect, let alone figure out the cause! What a wonderful opportunity to learn another lesson, through pleasure rather than pain. Frequently, I am a brick wall to mountains falling down kind of student so learning through something "easy" is a nice change. What a blessing to be able to observe myself, learn a new lesson and re-establish contact with a dear companion all at the same time.

As I was writing this Jim called from California. He is at a training. Now, I know he is where he needs to be at this time. I am at peace that I am where I need to be, yet, my heart ached. I ached to be with Jim. I longed to be bathed in the positive energy he is surrounded with right now. I wanted to be growing too. A deep breath and it eased a little. 3 or 4 more and it was just a dull soft hurt. Now, it is just an echo.

Celebrate every success. Yeah for me. I am growing.

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