Growing, Not Dying

Welcome to my insights, ponderings, and experiences. Hopefully they will enrich you in some small way, or at least make you laugh.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Admitting Selfishness

I have a friend who use to tell me all the time he truely believes every single person is born selfish and never changes. I argued quite strongly that people are basically good and given the chance will think of others first. Lately I have been spending some time looking more closely at myself.

Today was a good opportunity. My youngest daughter fell and split her lip open. Head injuries, as a rule, bleed a lot. This was copious amounts for a 13 month old. All over her dress, on her body, pooled on the carpet, coating a stuffed dog she was using as a lovey, just everywhere. After stopping the bleeding I began cleaning up all the blood, starting with the baby. She would "worry" her lip and it would start bleeding again. The cut goes all the way through in and out. This worried me, being unsure if maybe she needed stitches (she didn't) so I phoned our doctor. They agreed to let me bring her in right away. Excellant... but what to do with the other 3 kids? Jim was at a haircut so it seemed the easiest would be to have him meet me at the doctor's office, besides then he could be there to comfort me if I had to listen to my baby scream while they stitched her up.... I was a 45 minute drive away so he had time. He agreed to meet us there as soon as he finished.

When we were about 5 minutes from the office I phoned Jim to check his location. He was just starting his massage! I was extremely put out. I was very upset. "But it was already scheduled." So FREAKIN' WHAT?!?! Does the phase "medical emergency" means nothing to you?! I was in a huff. From a practical stand point there was no point in him coming now. He was still 30 minutes away. I was in quite the huff.

The Dr.'s visit went well enough. Three kids trying to touch stuff when Mom isn't looking and a baby snuggling in trying not to let the Dr touch her. Turns out her lip will heal just fine. However, she has a double ear infection I knew nothing of. Fantastic.

Now we have the drive home, in quitting time traffic. This gives me plenty of time to contemplate my emotions. This is also known as "stewing." "Man, is he ever selfish! He slept in late, knowing he was going to have to stay late. Then he takes a couples hours off to go get pampered, knowing it will make him even later tonight! That means he won't get home until....I'll have to put the kids to bed alone! How rude. He knows how tired I am after working so late last night! ARG! So rude. He is so selfish. He has time to go get pampered and babied, but never to mow the lawn...or pull weeds..." and on and on.

Eventually, I began to shift thought trails. All I can control in this life is my thoughts. *Deep breath* It's really all about me. This is my story. So, what is the issue here? *breathe* I resent he wasn't there for me. I hate having to do all the work. Why can't he help out? Doesn't he know how hard it is trying to do EVERYTHING? (So, really I'm upset cause of "me" issues here.) *sigh* Sometimes I feel like he isn't keeping his word. (Well, do you always keep your word?)

It led to some contemplating that made me realize....a lot of my anger and sense of injustice in many areas is because of how they effect me. I want everything to be nice for me.

Conclusion: Selfish.

Ouch. That does not feel good. Now what?

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Sex and Wal-Mart

I was reading a blog by David Wood wherein he commented that apparently Wal-Mart will be carrying sex toys. This is appaling to me. David brings up some interesting points on couples being able to access things without the "dirty" feelings associated with such, but as a mother I already have to contend with protecting budding readers from magazine headlines. I don't need to find my kid going, "What's this for?" Is there no place safe to take my kids shopping? I would like to preserve their youth and innocence for at least a little while!

Personally, I have no problem with couples buying and using items and toys that enhance their lovemaking. But if you are going to be mature enough to use it, be mature enough to buy it. There are several shops that are more discreet and tasteful if looking first is helpful. Then there are tons of ways to purchase on-line. There are companies that host in-home parties as well so you can look and browse items in the comfort of your own home. There is no need to have these kinds of things in the "family" stores. I tell you this, if my Wal*Mart starts carrying it, I will cross the street th shop at Albertsons.

There is one thing on which I do whole heartedly agree with David on. Love making is a skill that should be practiced. Get feedback, experiment, try new things, alterations on favorites, some spicy, some sugar, some quickies, some gormet, lotions, massaging, baths....Intimate detail: Jim and I have a rule. Either partner can ask for anything at anytime with the understanding that the other partner has a right to say to no if they are uncomfortable with it. It is done without judgements by either party, so no one is weird for asking and no one is prude for saying no.

Be honest with your partner as well. If you aren't telling them what's working and what's not working, they can't improve. Share with each other. If you can do it in sex, pretty soon you will be able to be more open with each other in other areas as well.

This is, of course, just my opinion. But after 11 years and with 4 kids under the age of 8 I can honestly say our sex life keeps geting better.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

My Tree Climbing Monkey

Today I was out in the yard with my children and my mother. Emily, the 2 year old, was grabbing a branch just above her head and pulling herself up.

I said, "Are you a monkey?"


"Are you trying to climb the tree?"

'Yeah. I climb the tree."

I noticed there was a couple branches just about the height of my head she could easily sit on and since they were low I could help hold her there. I called her over and held her so she could reach the branches, but not so high she was just on them. I wanted her to feel as if she really did climb there. Boy, was I in for a shock! She's always says "I a mun-key!" She wasn't joking. Barely gave her a hand up and she took right off. Her feet were higher than my head in no time. Grandma was obviously terrified. I was thrilled and ran for the camera while Grandma played spotter. Ultimately she got up to a height of about 8 feet, 4 different times. I was so proud. Give that girl a tail and she would have swung from tree to tree!

You go girl!

Monday, September 19, 2005

Daddy the Hero

Sarah, our one year old, is the happiest baby ever. She rarely ever cries for any reason. Tonight not long after she was laid down for bed she was in an all out scream! Poor baby. She cuddled righ into being held and rocked but it was obvious she was in apin and miserable. She kept crying...I felt awful for her.

We rocked. We walked. Tried a warm bath. After about 30 minutes Daddy came to take a turn. He had not had her even 30 seconds and she barfed all over the front of him. He didn't freak out at all. He was just glad that she would probably feel better now. He brought her back to the bathroom where I was emptying the tub from the failed bath attempt so I could get her all taken care of.

Not much later I was rocking her in the living room still wrapped in a towel while Daddy cleaned up everything when up comes more. Fortunately it almost all got on the towel. Daddy again cleaned it up so Mommy could rock and comfort the baby. And round number 3 as well. He got it all taken care of. What a wonderful hubby and Daddy to realize how much support was needed for both of us to fel better. Daddy, our hero!

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Motherhood is Not For Wimps

I read an amazing blog that I wanted to take a moment to point out. For Mothers everywhere it really touches those heartstrings. Of course it was my Honey who introduced me to it. :-)

Elizabeth is the wonderful Momma of 3 year old (in a few days) Mary. She is expecting daughter number 2, Karenna, in about 5 weeks. Along with her Cute Husband she explores how "Motherhood Is Not For Wimps."

Kids and 72 hour Kits

Well, as I told you I was updating our 72 hour kits this week. Thanks to a great comment left by Lotus, I ended up adding a few items to my shopping list. After putting away the groceries it was time to start on the kits again. For some reason the kids came around and were totally enthralled by the whole thing. Being a family of 6 it no longer all fits in 2 backpacks so I decided the boys are big enought to help with some light bags. They were thrilled! "What's going in my bag?" "Can I try it on?" "Mom, what about this picture? We might need it?" "Should I put my blankie in?" And on and on.

I explained that we don't get stuff in and out all the time. These bags are in case something might happen where we might have to leave our house very fast and not have time to pack. It was a difficult concept to help them understand an emergency without shaking their sense of security. They did all right I think. They helped pack a coloring book, some balloons, and a few other things they thought might keep them busy. If we ever should have to leave, I certainly hope there is time for them to each grab a "lovey" to take with them too.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Change to Comments

Although I LOVE getting comments, I am not fond of comment spam, so for now you will need to go through a short "word verification" step to post your comments. Please don't let this discourage you from sharing all your thoughts. :-)

Updating 72 Hour Kits

Somehow I got sidetracked working on 72 hour kits today. All the food expired sometime in '03.
The clothes I packed for my second child would now fit my fourth. Our youngest is still crawling and in diapers, which there was none. No formula, not even a bottle. At least two of our kids would have no fresh clothes. Canned food and fruit juice definately not the best ideas. Think I'll go for MREs this time.

I was pleased to see some good ideas. Apparently Pert's trial size bottle is just about the size of a 'D' battery so I had put the bottle (tightly sealed) inside the flashlight, since you can't store the batteries in the flashlight. Also, with young children I had thought to pack balloons and a couple small toys. In the news reports on the hurricane victims there was a picture of a mother reading to her two daughters. What a great thing to take with you, a couple thin paperbacks. I would discourage crayons. Colored pencials travel better. If you do fel prone to crayons make sure to put them in a ziploc in case of melting or breaking.

Definately 72 Hour Kits would benefit from scheduling rechecks at least annually. If you have meds be sure to rotate them monthly.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Hurricane Katrina School Drive

My oldest son brought home a flyer that the PTO is doing a drive to send supplies down to Texas. THey requested school supplies, clothing of all sizes and toiletries. Well, I decided to donate anything the kids had outgrown and all the clothes I have bought with the intention of someday shrinking into. Also, I love back to school sales so I had some extra school supplies. Well, by the time I finished gathering I had 7 boxes of stuff! That's 7 BOXES!!!

You would think there would be a significant change in the amount of stuff in the house. Unfortunately, not so much.

Monday, September 12, 2005

Thanks and His Holiness the Dali Lama

Thank you to everyone who sent me their love and support for my birthday. That is the best gift anyone could ever give. It has turned into a pretty good birth-week, instead of just one day. Thank you again.

This last week-end Jim and I had the pleasure of going up to Sun Valley, Id. We spent Saturday loking around, relaxing and visiting with some great people. Sunday we went to hear the address by His Holiness the Dali Lama. It was incredible. I was not aware he had such a great sense of humor. His eyes really twinkle when he laughs. I expected he would be very solemn, which he was while he was talking about some things, but not all the time. He really shows all his emotions. I also love how he cracks jokes about things like his height, his broken english, and his royalties off his book sales. It was all very fun and incredible. I have written up more specifics of His Holiness's adress on Enjoy.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Small Acts of Kindness

Today is my birthday. Usually this is my happiest day all year. I mean what a gift, just to be alive! Definately a reason to celebrate! This year it is not such a happy day. I am simply feeling overwhelmed with everyday life. In fact it's been hard not to be down right depressed. There is just so much to do.

John, my Schwan's guy, stopped on his rounds today. He is always so friendly. He's been our regular for well over a year now and has become a friend. He noticed I was a bit down. He played with the kids while I decided on what ice cream to get for my birthday. They love playing with him. It was nice to see them giggling. Then when he brought in my order he held one hand behind his back. He set my things in the kitchen and then presented me with a Strawberry Supreme Pie as a birthday gift. I knew it came from generosity and a desire to make me feel better. I teared up. It was just so thoughtful.

Life is really stitched together by the small acts of kindness we give to each other. They touch our hearts planting the seeds of hope and love.

Thank you again to John, and to all others who reach out in small ways.

Monday, September 05, 2005


Yes, there are many posts about Katrina, but I am adding my thoughts to the mix. Being on the mental cleanse Jim and I weren't even aware that anything was happening until after it had hit. Even then, since we avoid the news we didn't know how bad it was or what was going on. We have no connections down there, so felt no immediate impact.

This week-end was the first time I saw the devestation, heard the stories of the people and felt the call to help. I attended a church in CA as a guest Sunday. That church is sending supplies directly to another church in Louisiana that is acting as a refugee site. I was glad to buy a few things to contribute. It wasn't much, but it felt like at least I was doing something. Jim's work started a matching contributions fund to encourage employees to donate. The company is sending something like $500,000 to help out.

This morning I read an article in People magazine. Having not been jaded by the news for the past month I was very sensetive to the story. I teared up. I came home and shared with Jim. This time I cried. Jim got all choked up too. Our hearts are very moved for those affected.

If you or someone you know was impacted by this tragedy know that we join with millions of others in offering our prayers on your behalf.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Butterflies in the Tummy

So I was doing research today on Skydiving. (It's gonna be so cool.) We are going to have to wait a while before we go though. Instead of "saving up" for the trip we need to "drop down." (hee hee Ok, it's a bad pun, but it made me giggle.) They have a weight limit for skydiving, 200 pounds. Jim is just a bit over so we will both be working on releasing excess insulation that is no longer serving us so we can enjoy the rush of the wind past us. I'll let you know when we are going. WHOOPEE!!!