Growing, Not Dying

Welcome to my insights, ponderings, and experiences. Hopefully they will enrich you in some small way, or at least make you laugh.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Ah, what to do?

So, I bought these beautiful trees. I planted one in top corner in the back yard. Now I can't decide where to plant the other.

I love trees. We have just under a quater of an acre, so not a ton of land, but nice. I have already planted an oak, a maple, a few aspens clumped together, a dogwood, and a few others that did not come back this year (not sure why at the moment.) The two I am planting now are seedless ash.

Totally thought of asking the tree where to plant it, but there's no way it knows the lay out well enough to make an informed choice and it's way too big to be hauling all over the yard for it to make up it's mind. Besides which, I am still practicing hearing what the plants have to say.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Picture Time

So we went to get family pictures last ngiht. What an adventure. Mem fell asleep on the way in, thus greatly flattening her hair. Next, I had planned to get TJ a new shirt before pictures. They were able to get us in sooner than expected so I had not gotten TJ a new shirt yet. I cleaned up the one he had on as best I could. Since we got in early, I was taking care of TJ and Mem while they started on JJ and Sarah. I came in to discover they had taken their pictures landscaped instead of vertical. So those needed to be redone. By the time we finished the individual shots the kids were "done." After much struggle we managed one so-so family picture.

I would much prefer to get them redone, but I may need a couple weeks to rest up for it first...and next time it will be in the morning!

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Mental Cleanse

So my husband and i joined this mastermind group that is doing a 30 day "mental cleanse." For the next 30 days we are to not allow negativity into our minds. This means news, tv, radio, gossip, complaining, and any other negative influences. At the same time we are to be feeding our minds positive information, particularly "Think and Grow Rich."

There was the first conference call tonight. Lots of people talked about how wonderful it was, tehy have so much more peace, time, energy, ect. I wanted to just call out, "Oh please!" I finally spoke up and said that I have found that I have moments of calm, but they are alternate with times of anger, negativity, and out-of-control. The moderator actually THANKED me for being honest and bringing this up! He reassured me I was not alone. This is after all a cleanse. Just like getting your colon cleansed, a lot of gunk is going to have to come out. In about 2 weeks a dramatic shift should occur.

Well, all right. I choose to believe that I am releasing "gunk" from my brain and being. In a short time I will be cleansed glowing from the inside out. I'll keep you updated.

Thursday, July 21, 2005


Have you ever noticed how beautifully peaceful it is first thing in the morning? The sun shining down. The Earth just waking up. It has long been my favorite time of day.

Now I just have to figure out how to keep the magic and have children. :)

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Is it Blue?

This is something I have pondered quite often. How do we know what I call "blue" is the same as what you call "blue?" We look at the sky and say, "That is blue." There is no way to know what is in my brain is what is in your brain. So my blue may be your green. It's an interesting concept.

If you think about it the whole world is really just built on a series of agreed upon illusions. Take money for instance. We pass around pieces of paper, or even just impulses of energy over "the internet," that really have no meaning. They, in and of themselves, serve no purpose. You can not eat it or be sheltered by it. We all just agree to pretend it has meaning, thus creating currency. Life is all just one big game of make believe.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Return from Camp

Hello All. I just got back from a wonderful week-long camp on finding inner-peace regardless of the outer circumstances. It was quite fabulous. Ironically, on the way home from camp there was a young man being very rude sitting in the seat in fron of me. At first it was irrating. Then I laughed. It was a great reminder that the lessons are for the real world, not just simulations. I will write more about my learngins over the next day or two.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Waves of Energy

Everything is made of energy. Energy always travels in waves. Thus it is natural to have cycles of up times and down down times. For some they are tiny waves, barely noticable changes. For others they are bigger, very obvious. When they are extreme it is often labeled a case of Manic-depressive disorder.

Today, I am in a low swing. My energy and motivation are low. Every task seems bigger than it really is. These are the days you either get discouraged, or you just keep ploughing through so you can feel good about your efforts at the end of the day.

I'll let you know.....

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

On the Brink of Change

Do you ever feel like something has been set in motion? Somehow you are aware that your life is changing, moving into something different, but you can't quite put your finger on how or what?

It is this way for me now. I don't feel scared, just unsure. I don't know what is coming so I don't know how to prepare for it. There is just a sense of moving.....flowing into a new.....something. Perhaps this feeling comes as God's way of preparing us. Life continues to flow and I am sure it will be a fun trip, whatever lies ahead.

Expect the Impossible

The kids are watching the Disney Channel. There is a music video where one of the lines is "Expect the impossible." Now there is an interview where a girl is saying "you have to let it just come to you." Why is it children have so much more faith in possibilities than we adults do? What happened along the way to jade us so? My children still believe in miracles...and you know what? They usually find or get what they really want. Is there a lesson here?

Patriotic - Going From Head to Heart

From the time I was small I was taught to stand when the flag passed in parades. I said the pledge at school and learned about all the wars. I have seen pictures of the white crosses and "the wall." The saying 'freedom isn't free' has been around for as long as I can remember. I have always been grateful to live in America, but I don't think I really understood beyond a mere acedemic level until today, the day AFTER the 4th of July.

Last night, like many family, we were watching fireworks go off in our neighborhood. We happen to live in one of those areas where people get a lot of illegal fireworks, the kind that shot high up in the air and put on an amazing, if dangerous, show. So as we sat outside in our yard we could see them in up in the sky in any direction yuo looked. There were the kind that whistle on the way up, some that snap and pop, some that just do a big sonic-type "BOOM!" as well as the big splashes of color!

I wanted the boys to have some grasp of why we have fireworks so we had a mini-lesson recapping what we had talked about concerning the Reveloutionary War and how the fireworks remind us of the wars we have been in to keep our country free. I know it is absolutly nothing like being anywhere near a real battle, but the sounds and flashing lights certainly placed themselves in my mind.

Well today I was cleaning up some blood (nothing serious) and saw it against the white gauze. I thought of the red on the flag. I noticed then my blue jeans behind the guaze, making red, white and blue together. The red blood of all those who have served...never knowing me, but believing in the value of my right to live. White guaze, a symbol of the healings...implying the wounds. My blue jeans...everyday normal people like farmers, factory workers, businessmen, all willing to put aside all social class systems to stand together to fight for the love of their familes and homes.

Looking at the blood so stark against that blood...I just really got it somehow. I know it is not as deeply impressed as someone who has suffered a loss or been in a war, but I am grateful to have this feeling impressed onto my heart.

Thank you, America, and to all those who do now and have protected her.