Growing, Not Dying

Welcome to my insights, ponderings, and experiences. Hopefully they will enrich you in some small way, or at least make you laugh.

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Deep Thoughts and Reality

It's funny. I started blogging so I could have an outlet for my deep profound moments of inspiration. Yet somehow I look down and find it's all about my kids.


Today i had a Dr's appointment. I got a sitter for the older 3 kids and took the baby with me. She has been having major seperation issues. As we were walking into the office I was holding her, looking in her eyes, she smiled so cute....I just wanted to hold her forever in that moment. Then I realized the baby isn't the only one with seperation anxiety.

Saturday, May 28, 2005


Have you ever noticed you tend to attract what you are putting out? WHen you are having a "bad morning" it genereally leads to a whole bad day. When you are angry, every one around seems angry back. When you are in a great mood everything just seems to go right.

Today I was at the store and in a very unique "space" within myself. Everyone was equal. We are all just people. Money, status, age, gender....none of it matter in that place. These things don't normally affect my opinion of people, but this was a place of more than just not judging. I felt complete acceptance for everyone as they were. Now, this doesn't mean I was drunk with love or anything, just accepting. I found almost everyone would actually look me in the eye as we passed. We would hold it for a moment and both smile. It was a shared moment of simple respect and peace. I really felt I had a conversation with each person. It was a neat experience.

Friday, May 27, 2005

No Such Thing as a "Good" Scare

Today my Lovely daughter just about scared me to my death. We were at the grocery store. She normally stays right beside me the whole time. Today she was having a very hard time staying focused. Every thing that caught her fancy she had to run off and see. I had gone to fetch her several times by the end of the trip. I was more than ready to check out and leave.

I started placing our items on the belt and turning noticed Mem was no longer next to me. I called for her as I put a couple more items on. Annoyed I apologized to the checker and left her to watch the baby for a second. I went to the endcap and she wasn't looking at the candy. She wasn't in the aisle way. She wasn't even over at the car ride. I felt my heart rate picking up. Adrenaline began pouring through my system. Quick check. TJ was tailing me while the checker was unloading my basket and talking with the baby. "Oh, Heavenly Father, PLEASE let her be all right!"

The PA sytem.....what were they saying....."please come to Customer Service. I repeat, we have a lost Mommy. Please come to Customer Service."

"Please let it be her. I only lost her for a moment. Please." As I walk over I don't see her. I don't see any child. Withou hesitation I walked right around the counter. There was my scared little girl with 4 checkers cooing over her. She ran straight into my arms and it was all I could do not to break down crying. They found her in the next checkout lane. 30 seconds, less than 5 feet and I could have been out a daughter forever. Tears welled up in my eyes...for a couple hours afterwards.

Thank you, God for saving and protecting my daughter. Why me when so many others aren't... thank you. Thank you thank you thank you.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Height of Fashion

We've been shopping the past couple of days due to some unpredicted growth spurts in our house, particularly little Missy Mem. She's added an inch in the last 2 weeks. SO..discovering we had a grand total of 3 shirts that fit, it was off to the stores.

With Mem all you have to do is mention shopping and she's got her poodle purse, her shoes and is headed out the door. In our excursions a new love has appeared...hats. The girl adores hats now. In fact, everyone needs a hat. Momma needs a hat. T needs a hat. Baby needs a hat. Now I am all for guarding against the sun, but this girl is really into her hats! First store she tried on like 10 hats! Baby needed to try on hats too.

Then it was on to shirts. "Pri-ty," she would coo. Then gasp, "How coot!" All told we came home with like 7 shirts. Left up to her we would have also added quite the assortment of swimsuits as well.

The other night I was given a compliment on my sense of fashion. Thank you. I learned it all from my daughter.

First School Concert

So my 7 year old had his first school concert today. He did very well. He sang all the songs perfectly, but more importantly he wasn't fidgety, playing with his neighbors, or in any other way misbehaving. I was proud! He made it through the whole half hour! Yeah!!!

The girls apparently loved it as well. The were clapping and "dancing" in their seats. They had a great time. TJ did not enjoy it so much. I thought it was cute. Thank you to all the teachers of the world who work so hard to put on cute little shows for us parents.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Glad it's over

In case anyone wondered how the whole Star Wars Vow Renewal went, check out Let's just say I am glad it's over. You never realize how much weight you have really put on until you have cameras on you, everywhere, for everyone to see....

Monday, May 23, 2005

Only Young Once...or Never

Some people comment I expect too much of my kids, I am too hard on them (mostly family.) Personally, I never saw anything wrong with expecting proper behavior and manners, raising them with higher expectation. A Saturday evening stroll has given me cause to think. I was pushing the stroller down to meet Jim at a neice's birthday party. He had gone ahead with the other kids while Baby finished her nap. As we walked I noticed my little 4 year old neighbor "washing " his bike while Daddy unloaded camping equipment from the van. It was very cute. He discovered by aiming the hose just right he could make the pedal spin really fast. He sqealed with delight.

I imagined one of my own children doing the exact same activity. I could feel the frustration of the site filling my being. "What are you doing? You'll ruin your bike. If it stays wet it will rust, not to mention now we have to regrease the chain. You want to take good care of your bike, don't you? On top of all that, you aren't even suppose to be playing in the hose! Please, go turn off the hose right now and dry the bike off." Yet, it was cute watching my neighbor proudly making his pedal spin. So what if the bike gets wet? It's part of being young.

I use to ask my mom to "tell me about when I was little." She always responded I never was little. I was walking and talking at 9 months. Potty trained and using full sentences at 11 months. My older sister said it was "creepy" to see a baby so small doing stuff like that. I remember feeling like I should be treated differently. I was not a common "child." Oddly, I had forgotten most all this until the walk really brought it home.

Our oldest is 7 now. He walked at 9 months, and was talking by a year. He has that same attitude that regular rules don't apply to him. He engages in very little "age appropriate" behavior. The biggest difference between he and I is that I excelled at school and was very socially versatile. Although he is incredibly brilliant one more citation for behavior and he will be suspended from school and he cannot seem to make and keep friends. I am often at a loss as to how to help him. Because he acts like he wants to be so much older I waffle between demanding more of him and allowing him no freedoms, thus trying to create a lack of independance.

Now, I don't want you to think my kids are tortured or anything. They are quite happy and fairly well adjusted. This thinking just reflects an insight that I had on how I could be doing better. Somehow I must begin to seek the balance between allowing the innocence of youth, encouraging the growth of independance, and defining the social expectations of behavior. I mean really, is it that important that a 2 year old know to say 'excuse me' before walking in front of someone if the cost is of that bubbly spontaneous joy as they rush to some new discovery. There must be a way to blend. I intend to start finding it.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Herding Cats

Tonight a photographer from the local paper came over to take pictures of the family in costume. Oh my goodness. The kids actually did really well for the first minute or two. Then, without warning, our 2 year old had a melt down. She was totally done. Our four year old wanted to jump on the couch and our 7 year old wanted to practice swords with two swords at once. The baby was really good, even though she can't crawl in costume.

We managed a couple more shots, but nothing spectacular. Let's hope they got something usable.

Wedding update

Oh my goodness have things been busy. We have been doing interviews for our upcoming renewal. We have another photo shoot tonight. I really must say, in future I think I will only allow photos at the event, interviews beforehand but no more advance costume shootings.

Worm Walk

After a good rain the kids and I often go on a "worm walk" to pick up worms that have wandered out into the street or gutter and bring them home to our garden. The kids enjoy this a lot more than you might expect.

"Look! It's a baby one. Put it next to that Mommy one so it won't be scared."

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Wedding Answers

Yes, we were married at Phantom Menace in 1999. We do plan on being in costume again. The challange has been coming up with the kids' costumes and a couple peices that needed replacing.

Everyone is invited.
Boise Edward's Theater
May 19th Ceremony at 6pm
Jim and I will be attending the 7 pm showtime.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Too Fast

I swear I am just waking up to the world around me and low and behold my baby is getting so big! Today she discovered she can sit up all on her own! So now she rolls where she want to go then sits up. It is amazing. She can get up on all fours and crawl a couple steps, but still prefers rolling. Apparently it's more fun.

She is also playing the mirror game with me. I wave, she waves. I clap, she claps. It may sound really silly, but it is actually quite profound to watch the learning in her eyes. You can actually see when she is pleased with herself. It is magical. I am quite glad she is taking her time becoming more mobile. I want her to savor each moment of this magcal time as long as possible. She does not need to do it all now....except say "momma." That was my Mother's Day gift from her. She is my second child to say "momma" for the first time on Mother's Day. It is so cool. It just makes my heart sing. :)

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Quick Pick-Me-Up

Not much lifts my spirits faster than repainting a room. I realized today we have lived in this house 6 years and both the kids' rooms are getting their 3rd layer of paint. I also realized the shade of blue I bought for the boys' room is not the shade I wanted. I am very proud to declare I am going to go buy the shade I want insted of just accepting it as is. :) Yeah for me.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Shoes Make the Outfit

For some reason I fail to comprehend in my obviously dulled adult brain, my 2 year old daughter is sure if she has shoes on she is prepared to go outside. I believe her dress code for outdoor wear must go something as follows. Shoes are a must. They do not have to be her own shoes, nor weather appropriate. Ideally they should have socks on underneathe, even sandals. However, if there are no socks in the drawer or they are too hard to get on socks can be omitted. Generally a diaper, panties or a swimsuit are encouraged but all other clothing is optional. Additionally, a shirt does not automatically mean pants too and vise versa. If you do have on a shirt and pants, well this must be a dress-up occasion so you should make sure you have a jacket as well. The jacket should coordinate so feel free to throw a fit if someone tries to put you in the wrong jacket for the outfit. If you happen to notice your poodle purse on your way out the door it is imparative you carry it at all times. A well dressed toddler needs to accessorize.

If you are staying in for the day, feel free to be comfortable. This may be feety pajamas or clothing optional...depending on the mood.

Star Wars Wedding

In case you hadn't heard, JIm and I will be renewing our wedding vows Thursday, May 19th at the Boise Edwards Theater in a Star Wars theme. Jim and I were actually remarried there 6 years ago at the release of Episode 1. He was dressed as Han Solo and I was Princess Leia. You can read more at

New Blog

Jim and I are contributing more regularly to another blog, one for our business, Stop by for a visit.

Monday, May 02, 2005

Technical Difficulties

I am sorry there have not been many posts. Blogger was having problems uploading my posts so I got discouraged and quit trying. Fear not dear readers. From now on I will not be so easily discouraged!