Growing, Not Dying

Welcome to my insights, ponderings, and experiences. Hopefully they will enrich you in some small way, or at least make you laugh.

Monday, March 28, 2005

Calgone Ain't Strong Enough

Depression is not fun. Even after all the growth and tools I have gained there are still days that are not so great. Days where you fight to stay awake. Days where you can't think ahead, you just have to think about right now. Today was one of them.

Getting out of bed is a challange. Staying out is a constant struggle. All 4 kids are home. Spring Break. I tell ya' there are days I know Heaven is being extra present in our house. Jonathan opted to play outside for most of the day, Legos most of the rest of the time. TJ watched TV or Jonathan. Mem actually managed to stay out of trouble. She even kept almost all the water in the tub during her bath! Sarah, although never much trouble, was kind enough to take a 4 hour nap today. Evenings are generally my hardest on days like this cause I am spent and the kids don't want to go to bed. Can you believe every one of them went to bed and basically went right to sleep? All by 8:15! Thank you!

I have less challanging days than I use to, but when they come they seem to come in packs. It use to last months, now it's usually just a couple days together. My next goal is a few hours. I am definately part of "Modern America." I don't want to grow through this. I just want to wake up tomorrow and never have to deal with this again. I would have learned everything I needed to learn, gained all the strength this lesson had to offer and had released every negative toxin filled emotion in my body. *sigh* If only it were that simple....


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love the way you count your blessings - whether you are having a good day or bad. It is refreshing and even inspiring to meet someone who can let herself BE outwardly depressed and yet have the will to think optimistically while she is doing it.

Tue Mar 29, 06:20:00 AM MST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes. WE do seem to be an impatient society.

It's good that you recognize your struggles. Sometimes thats half the battle. It's also good you have goals. That accounts for at least another 25%.

Another thing to consider is that sometimes we struggle though things for reasons undirectly related to us. By that I mean that the strengths and the tools that we gain by surviving one of life's challenges may later come into play to benefit someone else who is not as strong or perhaps not as well equipped.

Conversley of course this means that no matter how grave... no matter how dire... no matter how alone we may feel, there are those around us who, like us, have been preparing to provide help and to bolster someone like us up. All we have to do is be humble enough and grateful enough to ask.

I believe that one of society's greatest weaknesses is that fact that while we recognize that we must be responsible for ourselves, we neglect to recognize that we were all put here together for a reason.

Hang in there. That's quite a brood you have. Someday they will prove to you the value of your struggles when they meet life with strength, goodness, and power.

Tue Mar 29, 08:05:00 AM MST  

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