Growing, Not Dying

Welcome to my insights, ponderings, and experiences. Hopefully they will enrich you in some small way, or at least make you laugh.

Friday, February 25, 2005

Meet Prince Charming

Although a lot of my readers actually come from my husband's site, I still thought it would be a good idea to post a link to his site. So, if you want to learn more about my AMAZING GUY feel free to visit his personal blog.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Shifting the Power

Last fall a great mentor of mine taught me in order for one partner to fill a position in the relationship, the other partner must first void that position. These words of wisdom were offered in response to my request for him to "fix" my husband. It was offered lovingly and yet not at all gently.

The decision to surrender was a great leap of faith for me. Giving up control was not easy. It required faith that the position would be filled and I would be cared for. It required a choice to trust. I made the choice and "went full on." The shift was instantaneous for us. It was so real that those in the room with us actually felt and could see the change. It was absolutly amazing. It has created a much more intimate relationship. It is what I always wanted. My husband became Prince Charming just as soon as I truely allowed him the position. I'm only sorry I waited so long to give him the opportunity.

Trust is a Choice

I belive trust is something you choose to give; not something to be "earned," as I was raised to think. A person can do everything in their power to prove they are trustworthy, but it will still only mean as much as the other party allows it to. Conversely, someone can be a total crook and convince people to trust him. It is all based on someone choosing to trust.

There was more in me that I was withholding. "I trust you with my life, but not this part of me." That just doesn't cut it anymore. I now choose to trust completly. I am choosing to give more of myself, those secret hidden corners of my heart. Furthermore, I anticipate this will not be the "end-all" of giving trust.

The opposite of trust is fear. I have been ruled by fear long enough. I now choose trust. Trust in myself to handle life, trust in Jim to treat me gently, trust in my childern to make they best choices they know how, trust that life is sending exactly what I need and most of all trust in God, that He is mindful of me at all times.

I choose to live my life, instead of fear ruling it for me.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Controling the Relationship

My Prince Charming brought a tape in for us to listen to tonight as we were getting dinner ready/cleaning the kitchen. It was on relationships. The biggest "ah-ha" for me tonight was the importance of co-creating your relationship versus being co-dependant in a relationship.

Co-dependance is the natural default we generally fall into. "I need 'x' from this relationship so you need to do 'y.'" In this system you need to control the relationship in order to get what you "need." Thus, you desire to control the other person, and who wants to be controled? The opposite, in co-creating would sound more like: "I would like to get 'x' out of this relationship. Is that something you would like too?" Negotiate to common ground. "Ok. How can we work together so we can reach this outcome?" This transfers the control to a shared responsibility for the outcome. Each partner is responsible for themselves and sticking with the agreements made.

So, instead of saying, "You need to call when you are going to be late so I know what's going on." We say, "I would like to have respect in our relationship. Do you agree? How can we accomplish this together? One thing that would make me feel more respected would be if you could call if you are going to be late. Does that work for you?"

Yes, it sounds hokey, idealistic, and like a script. So what? If you really want to have a forever relationship with someone does it matter if you "sound" weird for a little while? Besides, if it wasn't our natural reaction, wouldn't yelling and berating someone you are suppose to value so highly sound strange? If we saw a boss yelling at his employee the way we often treat our spouse we would think, "someone's getting a new job soon." Why should it be different in our marriage? Cause marriage is a commitment, that's why! So be bold. Look a little silly for a few minutes. Build respect and love that lasts forever. It is so worth it.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Lessons in Business

Prince Charming felt this would be a cute story to share. Our 7 year old Jonathan just finished his first fundraiser. During which we spent some time driving around to various "customers." I was listening to a seminar by T. Harv Eker on honing your business skills while we were driving. Jonathan asked me to pause the tape.

From the back seat I hear a very indignant voice. "What is he saying? He should explain this so kids can understand. I need to know this stuff too!" I smiled. It was hard not to laugh. Jonathan was quite serious. I did my best to explain supply & demand in simplified terms. "Well, I know that part already," he informed me. Since he seemed to want more I went into a bit more on the theory and strategies that had been taught, until he seemed satisfied.

We listened to some more of the tape. It wasn't long before Jonathan again asked me to pause. I could tell he was trying very hard to absorb all that was being said. We discussed some more, this time about differentiating yourself in the market. We used his cookie dough sales as an example. What is different about his cookie dough versus the stuff at the store? How are those advantages to the customer? It was a great object lesson.

I started to turn the tape back on when Jonathan asked me to stop. "My brain hurts. I'm only 7, you know. This stuff is kinda' hard." I couldn't help but smile again. I reassured him there were many grown ups that still didn't understand it so he has plenty of time to learn. I have no doubt he will learn it and master it. You go for it, Son.

Fun-d-Raiser

All hail the conquering hero! We just finished the first part of our first family fundraiser. Our oldest, Jonathan, was selling cookie dough for school. (Thank you to all you kind souls who agreed to satisfy your sweet tooth.) Jonathan was quite the little salesman. We worked on a little "pitch" together and he actually went around and sold to some of our family and friends. He came up with a lot of creative ideas I had to veto on advertising to larger groups as well. He is turning into quite the little entrepreneur.

Daddy did an excellant job convincing everyone at work to help out. Mamma even took the form to work with her as well. All told we sold 40 buckets of cookie dough. Jonathan gets to choose from a variety of prizes and he gets to go in the $cash machine$, where he will madly try to grab flying dollar bills out of the air. Each yub of dough weighs 3 pounds. That's 120 pounds of cookie dough! We'll certainly get our work out at delivery time. (4 weeks)

You know, just thinking about all those deliveries makes me think....a snack might be nice. Anyone got a cookie? ;)

Monday, February 21, 2005

Will Post For Comments

I'll admit it. This is cool. As a blogger you start posting because you feel you have something to say, or to "get it out there." The coolest feeling is when someone comments. It's an affirmation that you are being read! You are no longer just throwing words down a dark empty hole waiting to hear it hit bottom. Ever hear the riddle about the tree falling in the woods? If no one hears it, does it make a sound? Well, my tree is making a sound! It is so amazing! Thank you so much for all your kind words.

For everyone who has commented on how wonderful or inspired my words may be, let me say it is only because I am surrounded by such AMAZING people. If you are reading this, obviously you are one of them because you found your way here. There are no accidents in the universe. Welcome. :)

Greater Possibilities

I have posted this before elsewhere.

A friend of mine gave me a copy of a wonderful poem. Hopefully it will inspire some of you as well.

Greater Possibilities

written by
Sheila Norman

Expect nothing not earned
hope for the very best
think of and put others first
and God will handle the rest

Take nothing from anyone
give back even more in return
walk the treacherous extra mile
to cross the bridges you've burned

Live that higher level of life
where you were meant to abide
learn and teach forgiveness
and how to swallow one's pride

You are given but one chance
to prove you are a worthwhile soul
make it your highest priority
and reach your eternal goal


"I would rather live in a continuous state of disappointment than to never see life's greater possibilities." -Sheila NormanIf you are interested in reprinting this poem please contact me and I will put you in touch with the author.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

I Don't Like "Excersize"

Anyone else feel this way? Excersize. Just the word makes me groan. Yuck! We all know we should, but we really don't want to. Well, I have decided I do not excersize, nor will I ever. It is just no fun.

Now, I admit I am overweight. Recently I have come to understand excess weight is stuck emotion. Feelings, events, traumas and so forth that haven't been dealt with. Yes, we can blame food choices, our parents, society, but the truth is if we learned to trust ourselves our bodies would tell us what it really needs. So due to lack of self-trust we don't listen and engage in destructive habits. (If you disagree with me, you are certainly entitled to your belief, but ask if that belief is serving you to your betterment.)

Emotion is meant to be energy in motion. If we hold onto it it becomes "stuck" and manifests itself as excess weight, often accompanied by depression and/or anger. OK. So now we have excess weight, which is stuck emotion. Emotion is meant to be energy in motion. When stuffed it is no longer allowed to be in motion. So what is the natural conclussion? That we need to free this energy through motion in order to get rid of the stuck emotion thus eliminating the excess weight.

I do not excersize. I release energy!

No Prize For Mediocrity

Tonight my wonderful hubby and I went to the Annual Tampas Yatzee Tournament, which really needs to be held more than once a year. It is so much fun. Several friends getting together to talk, play Yatzee, talk, snack, talk, and generally hang out. There are prizes too. First, second and third place trophies based on a three game highest total, a t-shirt for the most "yatzees" rolled in one night, and fuzzy dice for the lowest score of the night.

I was determined to win something this year. Looking back through the records (yes, they keep records,) I placed very middle 2 years ago and last year was next to last (11th place.) Being next to last you get nothing. You have to be last to get the dice. I wanted a trophy this year. Well, the "Grand Champion" of last year retained her title this year. Kim, the "High Roller," got second and the shirt. Paul got third and yours truely got 4th.

What do you get for 4th? Nothing. Nada. Zip. This once again proves there is no prize for mediocrity. It didn't matter if I was 11th or 4th, it was the same. However, I rose over 120 points from last year to this year. If I improve half so much next year, I am so taking that first place trophy! No more mediocrity!

Moving

Just a note as notification. Most of you already access this blog through www.growingnotdying.info This currently forwards you here. Well, my lovely Honey is going to make that my new permanat home insted of a forward. He told me it is just polite to let people know, so there you go.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Need a Giggle?

For anyone who needs a giggle, especially those familar with toddler life, I often enjoy a blog at www.damomma.com Elizabeth (the mom) relates some great tales of life with little Mary (the 2 year old star.) Enjoy and laugh a lot.

What Do You Do All Day?

Fortunately, today's world is much more supportive about stay-at-home moms. Still, some wonder, "What do you do all day?" Well, let's see. I started my day running to the store to get more formula. Home to feed the kids. Get the oldest out the door to school. Feed the baby. Get her down for a nap. Rotate laundry. Pick up toys. Put away a laundry. Meanwhile, the kids decided they wanted juice and spilled half the pitcher in the fridge and across the floor. TJ (4) tried to clean up the mess himself. So now, it's all over.

Right. Now we mop. Clean out the fridge. "Mommy, Emily is dumping the red sauce on the floor in the TV room." Right. Scrub Tabasco Sauce out of the carpet. Back to the kitchen. Clean out the drawers, the shelves, ect. and place them in the tub. Move the fridge and clean up the floor. Take the finger paints away from Emilly (2). Change the baby's poopy diaper. Give TJ and Emily snacks. Take the trash out. Realize if I don't take a "breather" I may scream.

So, here I am blogging this. I still have to wash up all the fridge parts in the tub, put the fridge back together, move it back, and then clean the tub.

And it's only 11:30 a.m. So, how's your day going?

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

My Husband

I adore my husband. The sun rises and sets by him. He hung the moon and the stars. He is my provider and protector. With him I am free to be weak, and empowered to be strong. He is always there to take up my slack, yet the first praise me for all my efforts. He is my greatest cheerleader no matter how small the success and my greatest strength no matter how bad the failure. To him I am more precious than gold or diamonds and more valued than time. My opinion matters more than all the heads of state, without ever being made to feel wrong. In his eyes I am more beautiful than all the sunrises ever painted and more desirable than all the treasures ever found. I am treated as his equal in all ways, yet never made to feel as if I am not carrying my load. Because he accepts me exactly as I am it floods me with a desire to improve. There is never a sense of being towered over, only an invitation to rise to new heights. Even in my wildest imagination never had I pictured a true Prince Charming...until I found him in the man I married.

Thank you, My Love, for being a real man. I love you.

Want vs. Be

How many times have you heard the question "What do you want to be when you grow up?" First we hear it as a child. Later we are asking our own child. I read somewhere that this was the wrong question. It argued that a better question would be "What kind of person do you want to be?" Although an improvement I think they are both wrong.

There is something fundementally wrong with both questions. "What do you want...? A want is something you don't have. You can't ever have it because then you couldn't want it anymore. I realized the right question would sound more like, "Who are you becoming?" or "What will you do? When?" Then explore those questions with clarifiers such as, "What is that kind of person like? What do you think you will need to know? What are you doing to become like that?"

It sounds silly but why do we wait until we are "grown up" to start asking these kinds of questions, if we ever do ask them? Things would have been much different for me if someone had implanted the thought that those desires were attainable by taking deliberate actions. Now, I think it's time we change the perception for those that surround us and those we are raising.

Playing "Nice"

Here's a lesson for you. You are doing nobody any favors "playing nice" all the time. If you are not speaking your truth you are causing problems. Avoidance is almost worse than telling a lie. The other person knows something is "off" but becomes powerless to fix or change the situation. You take away their ability and opportunity to correct and grow. You are far better speaking your truth with compassion and allowing the other person a chance to grow into a better person.

Also, when you open it for disscussion you may learn a new point of view or information you did not know that changes your perspective. Additionally, if someone asks if you are busy, don't be afraid to say yes, or even "sort of." We all have a lives too. People understand.

So, if something is bothering you, please, SAY SO!

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Enlightenment & Lull

It was said "The essence of enlightenment is being able to observe yourself." Well, I am observing myself now. I have found after a strong personal developement experience I enter a self-destructive depression. It is so engrained, I don't even notice the thoughts that go with it. I simply find myself doing certain things. Sleeping more. Eating more. Acting badly in relationships I consider important. All sorts of nonsupportive actions.

Now it's just a matter of having the self-discipline to keep moving forward even if "I'm not in the mood."

Monday, February 14, 2005

Love

Well being Valentine's Day the topic seemed natural. It's such an enormous subject though. One of the biggest questions through out time has been, "What is love?" For my own definition in it's simplest form I would say it is placing the welfare of another at least as high as your own. Of course there are so many different "flavors" of love as a noun. Personally I know I have experienced romantic, friendly, divine, family, motherly, dedicated,erotic, flirty, playful, and more.

More importantly though, love should be a verb. Love is doing something for someone else. Paying attention to the other person's desires, likes and dislikes, and little nuances. It's remembering she likes the pink one, but not the purple. It's making his favorite meal just because. It's putting your socks in the laundry right side out. It's going to see the guy flick sometimes, and not complaining.

Find out what those around you enjoy and make it a point to do an act of kindness each day for them. Today my husband woke me with a kiss and some chocolate. Tonight I am giving him several Pina Colada Almond Joy bars. They are hard to find so I bought a lot. I think he will be suprised. Remember to love those around you everyday.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Crayolas Teach

Anyone else love color? I have no idea why but a new box of Crayola crayons just makes me happy. Markers, paints, just about anything along that line. They just look like everything that should sum up happiness. Freedom to create, potential, harmony... In science a rainbow happens when the true nature of white light is revealed. Perhaps that's what it is about the Crayolas. A reminder of the greater power within each human spirit. The power to create our own desitinies, the challange to belive in our greater potential, and a drive to create harmony with those around us. All summed up in a wonder filled little box.

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Sitting in the Terminal

In my travels, such as they are, I discovered there is no place as expensive as the LA airport, nor anything so costly as poor planning. I checked everything this flight so I wouldn't have to worry about carrying anything. My plane was delayed. I just paid $4.50 for a mechanical pencil and Lifesavers. How ridulous is that?

It seems so strange that I as I sit here writing this in the terminal so many of my new friends are still so close, yet I can't see them or be with them now. My heart reassures me that they will never be far, even as I already miss their company. I saw a card in the gift shop that really echoed much of how I feel now.

"When I was younger I thought love was all about adventure and excitement- firecrackers popping and rockets launching. But loving you is like a shooting star show on a crystal night, a celebration dance in our own backyard. Miraculous and breathtaking. I'll lay my head on your shoulder....When I am with you my heart is home"

Namaste